Coping with Infertility
Every life is a story and each story is different and unfolding. Infertility is a condition in the journey of life which some women face. According to national statistics in USA 1 in 6 couples face infertility. Nobody ever plans or prepares for anything like this. But once they are challenged by it they learn to survive.
The very first reactions to any unexpected circumstances in life is to wonder and question why is this happening to me. Why me? Why some couples have babies so easily? And why can’t I? Why am I not normal as other women? These are some common thoughts which women go through when they are on this tough course of life. No one ever wants to be on such path but life brings these twists and turns. What do you do then? You feel miserable, you cry, complain, try different means, but sometimes in vain. It is natural to grieve and be disappointed but don’t let this spiral towards depression. Here are some suggestions which has helped me personally and I hope they are useful in your struggle too.
- Accept the reality
- Don’t blame yourself:
There is nothing you have done which has led to this condition. Or there is nothing you could do different. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. If you don’t feel like it say it out loudly and then repeat it. Sometimes it helps if you hear your own voice.
- Educate yourself:
- Look for resources.
Read as much as you can about infertility, specially the research articles. Try and find out the latest breakthroughs which might be right for you. Talk to and visit some of the clinics which perform the fertility techniques. There are good online resources too. Think and decide for yourself how much you want to spend on those techniques, not only financially but also emotionally.
- Is having a baby everything?
- Look at the bigger picture in life? Find meaning and purpose to things you do and say.
As a woman we feel that when a child comes in my life, I will become a “complete woman”. I agree with that up to some extent. Yes, children are our future, they bring joy and happiness in our lives. But let not the grief of not having them in this phase overwhelm you.
- Give yourself some time. Learn new things.
- Teach yourself. Pursue your passion.
When a baby comes into your life you will have no time to do anything for yourself. So until then do what you like. Some people like to read, garden, visit places or acquire new skills. I always wanted to write so I have molded myself to sharpen my writing skills, in my phase of waiting.
- Choose your friends wisely:
- Don’t hesitate to ask for support.
Surround yourself with friends that will encourage you in this time. If you feel you have friends that discourage you or do not understand your feelings then take a break from them for a period of time. It is okay to do that and do not attach guilt feelings to it.
- Be there as a couple.
- Nurture your relationship.
Strengthen the bond with your spouse. Sit together and talk with each other, this is not the time to hide tears and smile at each other. But rather be vocal about your feelings, appreciate each other. Remember that both of you are in this together.
- Finally, keep the flame of HOPE burning.
- Love freely, mentor a child or cause.
Please don’t give up, hang in there. There is a time and season for everything. Try to be patient with the struggle you are facing now. I have seen many stories where couples welcome babies after years of waiting either biologically or through adoption. There is a saying, “All is well that ends well”